We Don't Say Those Words

I remember a time when my daughter was 3 years old, we went to the store, and she saw this man driving a scooter in the store. Truthfully, the man was big. My daughter pointed at him and said “wow mom he is fat”. I quickly took my daughter’s hand down and walked away real fast. I felt so embarrassed. My daughter looked at me with a reaction that questioned why I did what I did. I always talk to my daughter about honesty and to tell us how she feels or what she thinks. Later in the store, I told my daughter that it is so rude to tell a person that they are fat, big or something is wrong with them. Yes, it might be the truth, but sometimes somethings like those, such as our opinions about others should not be said out loud. We will often times hurt people’s feelings when we say such things. After that day, how my daughter describes people changed. Instead of saying do you remember the fat guy, she would say remember the guy that riding the scooter in the store. She now tries to eliminate what she feels is rude to be saying about people, and describing the environment or situation a person was in. She would at times ask if a certain word is rude to use or not.

My daughter felt confused about my respond to her honesty, I felt like I had to explain myself quickly afterwards to eliminate the confusion and help her understand why I did what I did. She later understood how some of our opinions about others can hurt their feelings. Afterwards, I taught my daughter how to replace some negative descriptive words with positive words, such as fat or big with husky or tall. Even some words we use as command or request such as shut up with please lower your voice or indoor voice please.